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The children ultimatum

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  • #64233
    Lizzie
    Participant

    I’m 27 and my boyfriend of 3 years is 37 – we’ve been living together for 2 years. We have a great relationship but are currently clashing over having children. He is worried about having children much later than 40 but I don’t know if I will want them then. I feel like we are in different places where he is ready to settle dDon and I am still working out what I want to do with my life. He wants me to say to him that by the time I’m 30 we will seriously start planning to have children but I have no idea how I’m going to feel in 2-3 years so how can I promise him this. to be fair to him when we first got together we did say we’d think about it around that time but when I was 24 it seemed a long way off. I didn’t also think I’d be held to it so literally.

    I’ve never been particularly maternal but I always assumed I would have a child one day. i feel that we should be together and if we had just continued on it would have happened when it was the right time (probably around that time) but now I feel like I’m walking around with a ticking clock over my head and I’ve got to say….yes definitely this will happen in 2 years. I feel so pressured now that I can’t enjoy anything because I’m just waiting for time to run out and my life to change. I just don’t know how to live my life on a schedule & make a promise I don’t know for definite I can keep… but I don’t want to lose him, especially if we possibly would have ended up having kids at that time anyway.

    I just want to know everyone’s opinion on this really. Am I being unreasonable? should I be able to say to him that this will definitely happen at a specific time?

    #65166
    Sarah Jane
    Participant

    Hi Lizzie,
    even if you were wanting to have a child it can be nerve wracking thinking it is time for it to happen for real! Cut yourself some slack, there is no need to decide right this minute. Perhaps you could make some time to sit down with your partner and discuss the matter, and be open and honest? He may just be thinking this is what you both agreed? Any baby deserves to be born to two parents who really want him or her, so take your time and if necessary put your decision on the back burner for a while, and maybe once the pressure is off you will really be able to feel what you want, and do the right thing? You are not being unreasonable at all, we all say we want to do things or discuss our dreams, but it doesn’t often happen that way. Just remember that what you said or thought was not set in stone and you are more than able to re-consider, alter, delay, or change your dreams. If your partner truly loves you they will not want you to do anything that you are not yet comfortable with. Allow yourself time and space, and when you are ready to decide one way or another you will know, in the meantime……….communicate, communicate, communicate!!!!
    Follow your dreams
    Sarah Jane 🙂

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