Dear Ravi:

When I read what your mother said: “A darling little boy like you can’t hurt a fly. That person must be taking advantage of your innocence.” I feel sickened too. I think I feel as sickened as when i read your correspondence with Jerry above. Maybe even more sickened because such a teaching on your mother’s part created that correspondence with Jerry. As children we are taught and taught effectively because we are so young and we just don’t know any different than what we are taught. It is not the child’s fault for learning what the child is taught. Your vile correspondence with Jerry indicates you were a good student of your mother.

Once you realize this, you have to change your understanding, to undo the teaching. It is very, very difficult to undo a teaching of such an early age. It is not only that you were so young when taught this, but you were taught so by your mother and many times over. As you know repetition increase the effectiveness of a teaching.

So it is difficult work to undo such teaching.

Be patient with yourself because even though you are now responsible for changing your behavior, you are not responsible for this behavior being taught to you. It is not your doing that your mother and grandmother taught you that you are never wrong and it is always someone else fault.

Be a bit gentle with yourself. Being gentle with yourself is the condition for you undoing that vile teaching and changing your behavior.

Again: if you want to change your behavior, you have to employ a gentle and patient attitude with yourself. It has to be done. So, please change your attitude and let go of the anger toward yourself, be gentle and kind to yourself.

anita