Dear Ravi:

You and I agree on the following goal: to not ACT abusively to another when angry.

What you and I disagree about is HOW to succeed in the above goal.

Stories out there about buddha and great masters and gods telling us is it desirable to … smile when angry, to smile at the person hurting us, to “turn the other cheek” (Christian bible) so that the one hurting us can hit us on the other cheek as well as they one already hit… all these teachings are wrong, distorted, harmful.

My point, my teaching is: honor your anger. Do not SMILE when angry: that is inauthentic. Don’t aim at behaving in an inauthentic way. It is not wise to behave in inauthentic ways. It is …well, stupid, really.

When angry, let it register in your face the way it naturally does. Let yourself feel it. Do not be alarmed. There is a message there. Evaluate the message. If you are really being hurt, act so to protect yourself or otherwise assert yourself. If you are not really being hurt (old hurt being inappropriately triggered), then … don’t defend/ assert yourself and take time out to figure out you have just been triggered, an old hurt triggered.

I believe that your way of achieving the aim we both agree on will continue to fail. I believe my way will bring you success.

anita