Dear jsj32:

I wrote that you are not easy (for me) to understand based on your writings above because you wrote that you used to talk to some people this way: ““You’re doing x,y, and z wrong”, “You need to change your ways” ,etc. etc.”

Then you realize it is not effective to do that, and wisely you talk differently now, using effective interpersonal skills well and now you will say things like: “I understand where you are coming from”, “This is not an attack”, “I’m not mad”, “I accept you for who you are” –

What makes it hard for me to understand is that since you are informed, educated and sophisticated to be using the second kind of talk, now I don’t know if your critical messages no longer clear as in the first example, if you still communicate the same message in other subtle ways.

It is possible that you don’t communicate disapproving messages to your boyfriend at all. But I don’t know. If you were still doing the x,y examples above, then I would understand the messages you are sending. But with the latter examples, it is possible (only possible) that the same messages are sent in other ways.

???

As far as the separation anxiety, that was about what was clearer to me, something I caught in your writing about your difficulties when not in your boyfriend’s physical company. I sensed you are anxious when physically separate from him. I thought of you as an anxious little girl away from a calming parental figure. (And again, the words you use, even the title of the thread, show intelligence and sophistication that mask a bit the raw parts of you)

anita