Dear Ravi:

You do tend to see things in All or Nothing: you wrote above: “I only gave her pain..” It isn’t true. For three years she often enjoyed communicating with you, so you didn’t give her ‘only” pain.

I agree with what you wrote above “No matter what I am, does not change what i did”- this is why prisoner convicted of murder, often do not get released because they become good people, if they do. They can’t undo what they did. Fortunately, you did not commit such grave act to place you in prison.

Regarding your friend who betrayed your trust and had an accident, these two events are random. You know she did not have an accident because you were angry with her, don’t you? Just making sure you know that.

Regarding your father not saying anything… but yes, he does, only without words. This is what passive people do, say things only not directly. This way if you tell him: stop pressuring me to study, he can say: I didn’t pressure you. Did I say anything? No.

It is called Passive-aggressive: disapproval in a passive way, nothing that can be proven…

Assertive, Ravi, The Middle Path: not passive, passive aggressive (no one can be passive all the time, so the aggression must come out somehow) on one extreme and not openly aggressive on the other but Assertive.

anita