I understand what it comes across as, Anita. I would be lying if I didn’t admit I myself hadn’t felt this way at some point. “I wish I had never started watching that show at all, never participated in that forum, never became a fan of that actor… none of this would’ve happened”. That sort of feeling. But analyzing it deeply, I can see that I’m only deluding myself. Everything did happen for a reason. I know that I suffered, but I also learned more than I can express. She learned from me, I learned from her. Be it patience, understanding, working together, not giving up hope, knowing who’re your allies and enemies, sacrifice, the joy of togetherness… everything, I practically experienced with her. It surely did make me a better person in many ways, more than I can express here. It did make me confident when we worked together and I was able to do things I never imagined I otherwise could, all thanks to her encouragement. I may not have been able to be independent in my real life here with my family, but whatever I did online was my independent work, thanks to her and others too. The inner flaws in my personality due to my upbringing were always there, even if I had never met her, and they would’ve turned up at some point or the other in my life. I’m glad they turned up sooner rather than later.

There is nothing wrong with “fantasy”. Everything we discussed did have some practical thought. I guess it’s just my flaw of being overly pessimistic in thought and word, something I’ve always done from childhood. I know the cat is out of the box and her reaction was more out of fear than anything. But like you said, and my friends remind, she’s still very young and in terms of the long run of life, our relation has barely started. Doesn’t mean she’ll always be upset with me or keep thinking like this. I don’t want to do any haste and cause more damage. Gave it a lot of thought today and at least managed to calm myself to an extent reminding myself of this. Managed to study well too, as a result.

I won’t post about her, if you say. But I surely won’t call it an obsession or sickness now. It had become that, during the past few months when I got overly possessive, caused the fight and now when I started posting here. I’m trying to move ahead of that and be calm in my approach. At least I won’t ever regret our relation, no matter what happens.