Dear Trevor:

This is my understanding and please read it calmly, maybe more than once, maybe take a break after first reading and come back to it later. I am suggesting this because I want your feedback, your evaluation of what I write, so to let me know if I am understanding you correctly, partly correctly and where I am wrong (I will be developing my understanding as I type):

I think the jaded, mature like, apathetic college girls remind you of your mother perhaps, your main female caretaker, that is. This is why you are not sexually attracted to them.

If you grew up with your mother and father being married, I think that there was something very wrong with that marriage and that affected you deeply, to see the lack of love, commitment. Maybe your father was rejected often by your mother, put down, treated as a disposable person.

Or maybe this is how your mother treated you?

These are guesses. Someone in your childhood was treated like a disposable person (your words), someone was jaded and apathetic. Somehow you grew up not loved.

Looking forward to your thoughtful evaluation and feedback.

anita