Dear xaas:

Your father was good to strangers, to other men because if he was abusive to them, there would have been negative consequences for him. On the other hand, being abusive to a weak and dependent child, you, brought no consequences to him. He was able to relieve his distress by abusing you, getting away with it and feeling refreshed and energized to be the good guy with strangers.

It is not that he was unable to be good with his family, it is that he was able to be bad with no consequences because you were a child and your mother was a woman and both dependent on him, powerless on your own.

Your father is now sad, and you think he is regretting the abuse he inflicted. You have no evidence of that. He is sad probably because he is no longer young and strong. Not because he is regretting his abuse of you.

And your mother should have protected you because you were weaker than her. She was probably afraid to leave him and protect you. I don’t think she sacrificed anything, she simply chose the least difficult life for herself.

anita