YOu have said what my heart and mind could not. He is WEAK. It has shattered my whole belief in him. I tear up with the deep disappointment I feel. I have had to keep a neutral face on in my home and it is shattering me, but time heals all wounds, I guess. The sadness I feel is overwhelming at times, but I only show it when I am alone. And that’s plenty these days.
Maybe it was childish of me to think this was going to be just R-1 and me together forever. I will need time to get over this, and R-1 apologies are just words right now. I have pulled back my feelings and will watch what unfolds. R-1 remains ever hopeful and full of love words for me, but my cynical side is feeling the words are just that, words. His mind cant deliver what his mouth says.
I cant think of leaving R-2 at the moment, this hurt is so raw I am in a vulnerable spot and may make a stupid decision to stay out of guilt, pity, depression or something. I have no strength to fight that battle right now. I have to regroup and put my shields up again, in order to cope. What a stupid old woman I have become. At least that is what I feel right now.