I know what you mean about the “happily ever after” existence, a “problem solved” status. I was looking for that too. But I think that is also part of the baggage we were loaded with.

My success with the bull seems to be telling me that there is no ‘Promised Land’ or ‘Knight in Shining Armour’ or Happy Ever After’. But that is not a problem, instead I think it is a huge relief from having to be ‘perfect’ in order to deserve good things in life. All of that is part of the bull.

Good things and bad things happen to everyone. You deserve the best, so be the best you can be. Your best is different on different days. That’s OK, it’s part of being human.

Background info, my mother was a beauty queen who wanted me (and the rest of her life) to be perfectly beautiful. Well – on the days she wanted me at all, she wanted me to be perfect – mostly she just resented me. I guess she was carrying a lot on her shoulders too. Not an excuse for abuse, but maybe I’m lucky to be able to see the reality of the burden. I don’t think she ever understood it and was definitely in denial until the day she died.

Interesting question, who has the bigger problem; the person in denial (who drinks themselves to death), or the person who understands it isn’t right and struggles to get past the pain without esorting to substance abuse? Hypothetical question since the person who is dead has neatly removed themselves from having do deal with anything.