Wanted to post an update!

From my other thread about my old frenemy: decided to go on a double date with her and her bf, and as everyone said it was bad. She got drunk and basically told me my boyfriend didnt love me because I pay rent and she thought I was saving my money up to help her? And we hadn’t talked for a year? Yeah no thanks, so she got blocked. That was about a month ago.

Ended up staying the weekend at my mom and dad’s house because my emotions with my bf felt to be too much, also I stopped paying rent until I get a new job. I almost had to text the crisis hot line again because my mom beat me down so much, saying how she didn’t approve of my relationship, she didn’t know why I was such a disappointment, I was delusional for wantingredients to work for myself, just too much. That was a mistake and I haven’t talked to her since. She continues to message me asking for a list of jobs I’ve applied for.

Speaking of jobs, I don’t know what to do. I had to leave my last one because it was making me crazy but my plan of writing seemed so close now seems hopeless. My sister too told me it can only be a side job. I don’t understand why. I don’t want to apply to another demeaning job or a corporate job like I’ve had before and then have to quit again when I get burnt out. I am slowly losing more and more faith in humanity. I see the world as full of angry and hateful people and I am scared to interact with anyone. I’m scared to apply for jobs because people might be out to get me, I don’t know what to do.

The good news is I have controlled my anger and emotions better with my boyfriend, which is what I really was worried about. We did go on a weekend trip with his family and I just let things flow, until the last night. I just told him that from now on if we go on trips we need to stay separately from them and not in the same campsite with no privacy. He took a minute to understand but it is just way too much drama to do everything with family and siblings as an adult couple. But other than that I feel like things are good.

When I start to think about myself though I really worry that I will end up with nothing. I know he is happy but if I didn’t have him I really truly worry. I hear so many horror stories of dating and now even knowing girl friends and family will turn against you it really depresses me. I wish I could just be a more positive person.

Thanks for listening : )