Dear dixie02:

Well, I am thinking the idea of being his friend, his light, while he is in a relationship is a way to feel closeness with him without the danger of a romantic, physical involvement. You can feel the excitement of his company, the pleasure of his attentiveness and appreciation without risking getting hurt. I think I can see a draw there…?

After a while though, I wonder how that will go, if part of you that want to be involved with him the whole way, if that part rebels, gets frustrated, angry for investing so much of your time and energy without the payoff of (feared but) hoped for romantic relationship.

I wonder what that hope will do to you over time. Part of you will not be satisfied with this surface contact with him, hearing about the other woman. Part of you will want the real thing: all of him and all to yourself. No?

As far as his relationship with a 20 year old, two years out of her childhood, that is something to look into, to get to his motivation. What are his possible motivations? A young body/ youth, feeling powerful over a girl who looks up to him as the strong, resourceful older man, feeling he is not going to be detected by a needy young woman as the less-than man he believes he is..? These are just guesses. If I talked to him I would have asked him. Didn’t you…?

In contact with him so far, did you try to be all supportive without asking any question that he may not like, like this very one?

anita