Dear kperry23:

Your distress over the incident a month ago is significant and has to be dealt with somehow. It is not going away by itself so it needs to be examined further and processed into a resolution, a state of peace of mind about it so that when you remember the incident, it doesn’t bring the distress it now does.

When attacked or assaulted, the three reactions are: Fight, Flight and Freeze. The last response, your response to the kiss, is a natural reaction to an attack. You were afraid, there were three responses available and you automatically froze. It was not a conscious choice as animals do it also, without thinking, without thoughtful choosing.

I agree with everything that you wrote that your mother told you. And yet, for as long as you are distressed over what happened, you and your relationship is in trouble.

You wrote that you set high standards for yourself. I am assuming this has been a pattern for you, to get so alarmed when you don’t meet your own high standards? And if so, where do these standards come from; who introduced to you the concept of having high standards and the nature of those standards?

anita