Yes, anita i am where I am geographically and also in this place in life because i obey my parent’s orders.my parents fight a lot,my father is abusive physically and mentally. He has an affair,she keeps seeing her still, even when he is 60yrsold now,and fights with my mother whenever he comes back from there.my mother is struggling so much, she also has to go to work as he made her sign for bank loan worth a lot of money,which he gave to the other woman.so she juggles work, household work,she is searching for arranging alliance for me,and so at home she feels is not suitable for my stay.but she feels this city is safer for single women staying alone;also this is far away for anyone to know about our father. With so much on her plate, i feel guilty to go out with another outsider, but i was so lonely.at first i thought that it is normal to feel that way as i am in early 30s,due to some hormonal chNges..and now i feel like iam in love with him, i feel very very guilty to hurt him,i also hurt myself by not acknowledging my feelings.
I want to come out of all this and be like before – happy to be alone.
But my thoughts go to him every awake moment, now I see him in my dreams too.suddenly once he us gone,everything about him feels perfect, lovable.