Hi Anita,
I think it is my delusion to “control” what I can. Am not one to feel comfortable unless I have some control in situations. It is part of my “BossyPants” attitude that has given me successes in my work life and some semblance of control at home. My control at home is the bill paying, the control of doing things he doesn’t know how to do, and keeping my secrets. Nan is the one making the plans. Nan hopes that the sheer excitement of being “free” to live my next life, will not be muddied up with the guilts of stepping on so many lives that have depended on me. I left as a child-woman 40 years ago, with just the clothes in my closet and nothing else, living with mother. So, had no pressures of “stuff” to worry about, job to worry about, where to live worries.
Life is complicated 40 years later. Cant just cut and run like I did before. In handling the worries of how they will react, gives me sense of control to not be “surprised” for the reactions. My “What If” factor bubbling up again!
Nan,,,,she ran….when she can…….(smile)