Dear Chau:

The insight in your sentence above: “my head tells me this is over, my heart is not over with it yet.” is where your answers are. When we know things “in our heads”- that is rationally, but we don’t feel what we know, than that rational knowing is of little value.

When you learn about the life of bees, you learn rationally and that is good enough. But when you learn something about relationships, that rational learning is of little value unless it is joined by emotional learning, that is, until you believe what you learned rationally to FEEL true.

So you rationally learned at one point that she mistreated you but you still feel that you mistreated her, so the first learning is of no value so far.

And then you emotionally learned in the past that being attached to her means that you are safe. You didn’t unlearn it yet, and this is why you are still seeking contact with her, be it virtual, so to feel secure.

Your thoughts?

anita