corse123 – I feel your pain. Literally. I’m a recovered alcoholic and there is nothing more devastating than having a debilitating disease with such a shameful stigma. I’m very sorry your family doesn’t understand. You’re not alone. It took me quite some time, in the program of AA, before I was proud of who I was and no longer ashamed.

The great news is that’s part of what AA helps you with. When you start going to meetings it can be a bit intimidating, but it’s worth it. Once you start working a program you may start to realize how much of your anxiety was because of your addiction. For me I used all my problems as a crutch to keep drinking (including anxiety disorder) when, in actuality, my addiction was causing all my problems…

That being said my spiritual journey started when I entered the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Buddhism, meditation and following my spiritual journey was only part of the equation for me. A beautiful part I now get to attribute to my rock bottom. Today I’m grateful to be an alcoholic. I’ve gained so much inner strength and it definitely got me started on the beautiful spiritual path I’m on today. I cannot quit drinking and using on spirituality alone. The addiction comes from a spiritual malady, however the fellowship of AA is a huge part of what keeps me sober. If I didn’t have people who shared the same struggles as me and who I could talk to about anything, I wouldn’t be sober today. I’d be hiding in my room shamefully drinking alone…because that’s how I feel when I’m in my active alcoholism. Only people who have been in our shoes can joke about the things we’ve done and seen. Normie’s would think we’re crazy if we talk about the delusional way of thinking most alcoholics live with everyday.

The beauty is there is a solution! It sounds like you already have a spiritual foundation to grow from. Best of luck to you and let me know if there’s anything I can do!