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Dawn

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #110543
    Dawn
    Participant

    Anna,

    First of all I really like what Anita said. Very well said!

    I’d also like to say it sounds similar to a situation I went through. I ended that relationship also, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It took me months to get over the thought of him.

    That being said, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m also very excited for you. Let me explain…I’ve found the most beautiful things have come from times in my life where I had the most fear. Fear to the point that I either let go and accepted what is or go bonkers. The biggest lessons in my life of acceptance, letting go and self-love have come from the situation you describe. It’s a very scary place to be, but know that what is meant for you will come into your life. It may not be on your time and terms, but it will be exactly when you need it.

    When I have so much fear the only option is to throw my hands up in surrender, that’s when the blessing comes. It’s happened so many times I now enjoy the journey, because I trust the process and know something amazing is just around the corner…it always is.

    Keep your head up! Smile and spread some love. Find someone who could use a smile, a hug or just some compassion and give what you can. For me doing this gets me out of my head and the love always comes back two fold.

    Good luck and love!
    Dawn

    #110261
    Dawn
    Participant

    ms1681 – I think I understand how you’re feeling, I’ve been there, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s definitely a blow to our ego when someone doesn’t want to be with us. I had a similar situation, however I ended things with the hope it would jump him into action and put more attention on me and our relationship.

    For soothing the pain: just allow it. Breakups are hard. It’s okay to be sad and to grieve the loss. Allow yourself some time to heal and be kind to yourself. Meaning, don’t beat yourself up for being sad. If you have bad days it’s ok. They’ll lessen over time and become less frequent.

    I would like to also say, his feelings and choices have nothing to do with you. There could be a plethora of reasons whey he wants to move on and none of them have anything to do with your worth. He could be dealing with his own insecurities, really want to work on his finances or just not willing to commit to you. Anyway you look at it moving on is the only thing you can do.

    By understanding that you’re holding on to something you have no control over maybe you’ll better be able to let go? Look at this; you cannot control his thoughts, feelings and choices. By trying to understand sometimes we’re hoping it will give us the answer as to how to make it work. I find that most of the time when I’m obsessing over something or I’m sad, angry or depressed it’s because (subconsciously) I think it will get me what I want. One of my favorite philosophers says “it’s never the situation that’s bad, its our thoughts about it.” meaning, the situation is what it is, our mind labels it good and bad. How long it takes to let go is entirely up to you.

    After a similar experience, I worked on what I can control, my actions, I now try not to cling. I practice meditation, self-love and compassionate empathy and allow anything that wasn’t meant for me to remove itself. It took me several months to get to a happy place after my breakup with noted BF. I was attached and had expectations of our relationship that I had no control over. When I realized that expectations are just premeditated resentments it became much easier trust the process and the impermanence of things in my life.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and you’re doing the right things! Stay busy, have fun and get out with your friends. Enjoy the time this has freed up for you to do what makes you happy.

    #109779
    Dawn
    Participant

    You’re so welcome and that’s what community is for! It’s already in you. Sometimes we need to walk through it all and suddenly we’re on the other side with wisdom and gratitude! This experience will allow you help help someone else in the future, the same way we all did hhere.

    #109747
    Dawn
    Participant

    Allison,

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know this feeling all too well! I believe Inky is right, for me it brought up rejection and abandonment issues. It was so hard to get over the fact that my ex didn’t want to be with me. I started trying to manipulating him back into my life when I too didn’t even want him. I just couldn’t handle that he didn’t want me!

    The important thing for me to remember, so I could move on, was I was good enough. It just wasn’t the man who was right for me. It has nothing to do with how “good enough” you are. It’s simply not the person you were meant to be with. Is a McNugget not good enough because they don’t fit in at Burger King? Nope, it’s just not the right fit.

    Try and remember you’re not meant for better things, just different things. He’s not meant for a “better” woman, just a different one. We don’t all get to have the experiences we want in life. All experiences just weren’t meant for us, just like all people aren’t meant for us.

    It took a while and I had to remind myself constantly that just because my ex didn’t want to be with me anymore doesn’t mean I wasn’t good enough for him. I’m just not right for him and he’s allowed to make that choice. Today I’m grateful he did because it opened me up to learn to love me again and follow my heart, which ended up bringing me an amazing man who WAS meant for me. Who knows how long I would have stayed in the relationship out of complacency.

    When I follow my heart the things that are attracted to my heart find me…I don’t have to do any chasing or clinging to fear of rejection.

    Try some self-love practices, there are tons of resources out there!

    #109314
    Dawn
    Participant

    luk333

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s difficult enough to feel personally attacked in an environment where it’s difficult to remove yourself (vacation) and even more difficult when you don’t feel supported by those you love.

    That being said, setting healthy boundaries for yourself IS showing compassion for others. We can’t be our best self when we’re in an environment where we’re feeling distant and defensive. Attempting to show compassion by putting yourself in a position to be hurt and build an even deeper resentment isn’t going to heal anyone’s soul. Sometimes we show compassion by loving and honoring other peoples spirit from afar. It sounds like that’s what you need to do in this situation. Set your boundaries with your partner and these friends. You don’t need to explain yourself to them. Simply tell your partner how you’re feeling and that you don’t feel comfortable sharing your time with these friends (said couple) any longer. Then don’t. There’s no reason to defend your decision or further explain it. Once you remove yourself from the situation try sending them positive healing thoughts through meditation or quiet reflection. Do this once a day for a week. Try to remember nothing anyone says has anything to do with you. It’s simply their perception of others and life based on the how the perceive their experiences.

    When we begin to set boundaries for our own emotional health we attract people who are conducive to the boundaries we’ve set.

    Good luck!

    #108880
    Dawn
    Participant

    Awe, I felt for you reading this. I really love what pink24 said about enjoying the little things. I know it’s hard, but once you have a job it may be awhile before you get time to relax like you can now. Try to enjoy it. It’s absolutely free to go to the park and read book, take a walk, go hiking and many other things.

    Most of us have experienced changes in lifestyles due to income constraints. Take this time to appreciate the time you had in OC. This time in your life will also allow you to appreciate a more comfortable lifestyle when it comes. When I’m upset it’s usually because I think it will get me something I want. Then I try and control and cling which just makes things so much more difficult when I don’t get what I want. Try accepting where you and your husband are at in life today. Allow the lifestyle to be whatever it will be. Adjust with it and try to remember everything you do have to be grateful for. I find that I get what I focus on. If I’m focusing on the negative that part of my life grows. If I’m only allowing myself to see the beauty in my life it becomes overwhelming how much love there is.

    Best of luck to you and your husband! Sending positive healing thoughts 🙂

    #108874
    Dawn
    Participant

    corse123 – I feel your pain. Literally. I’m a recovered alcoholic and there is nothing more devastating than having a debilitating disease with such a shameful stigma. I’m very sorry your family doesn’t understand. You’re not alone. It took me quite some time, in the program of AA, before I was proud of who I was and no longer ashamed.

    The great news is that’s part of what AA helps you with. When you start going to meetings it can be a bit intimidating, but it’s worth it. Once you start working a program you may start to realize how much of your anxiety was because of your addiction. For me I used all my problems as a crutch to keep drinking (including anxiety disorder) when, in actuality, my addiction was causing all my problems…

    That being said my spiritual journey started when I entered the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Buddhism, meditation and following my spiritual journey was only part of the equation for me. A beautiful part I now get to attribute to my rock bottom. Today I’m grateful to be an alcoholic. I’ve gained so much inner strength and it definitely got me started on the beautiful spiritual path I’m on today. I cannot quit drinking and using on spirituality alone. The addiction comes from a spiritual malady, however the fellowship of AA is a huge part of what keeps me sober. If I didn’t have people who shared the same struggles as me and who I could talk to about anything, I wouldn’t be sober today. I’d be hiding in my room shamefully drinking alone…because that’s how I feel when I’m in my active alcoholism. Only people who have been in our shoes can joke about the things we’ve done and seen. Normie’s would think we’re crazy if we talk about the delusional way of thinking most alcoholics live with everyday.

    The beauty is there is a solution! It sounds like you already have a spiritual foundation to grow from. Best of luck to you and let me know if there’s anything I can do!

    #103745
    Dawn
    Participant

    You’re welcome Carly. It’s not easy, but getting out of yourself and stepping back from the situation can sometimes shed light on the neutrality we turn into a problem. If you can learn the lesson you’ll be able to use each moment to live now, instead of in the past.

    #103646
    Dawn
    Participant

    Hi Carly,

    My name is Dawn and I’m a recovered alcoholic. I’m sorry for what both you and your ex are going through. I understand how it feels to be uncertain when it comes to loving someone with erratic behavior and/or an alcohol problem. I not only put my family and friends through this torture, but I grew up in an alcoholic home.

    That being said, you did what was best for you. Try and remember you only have control over your thoughts about a situation, not someone else’s feelings or actions. There’s nothing you can do to create a best case scenario. The most important thing you can do is to accept what is and work on forgiving yourself.

    We can’t “fix” someone else. If your ex wasn’t able to communicate his needs don’t beat yourself up for communicating yours. This wasn’t selfish of you, in fact you sound very selfless. It’s up to each of us to communicate what we need and if you build guilt around what someone else didn’t do you’re setting yourself up for continued depression. Again, we only have control over our feelings and reactions to a situation. Try and take this time for the lesson it is and use it to empower yourself to work on you. Work on loving and accepting all of you. Happiness is within your control – when we allow our negative thoughts to create “what if” scenarios in our head we’re living in the problem, not the solution. Each situation is neutral until we make it positive or negative. There is a lesson in everything if we can get out of our own head long enough to see and hear it.

    I wish the best and will keep you in my thoughts.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)