Dear fmck32:

Before I attempt to answer your question, a comment on these parts of your last post:

“I have always been a very self contained person – not a lot of friends, spend a lot of time on my own etc – all through my own personal choice..Its now become second nature to keep myself to myself, not express how I feel to anyone with any honesty, cope with everything on my own. However, I think this has possibly been damaging me inside..” – this “second nature” as you put it did not originate as a “personal choice” but as an automatic reaction to being hurt by people. It was a self protecting reaction.

“However, as you mentioned anita, we are social beings and maybe this has not been the best way. I think a lot of this ‘not needing other people’ has stemmed from feeling vulnerable to potential harm that they may cause.”- being of a mature age now, not a child, AND being aware, the answer is obvious, isn’t it: to select the people you are involved with. As a child you had no choice of who your parents were and who the people in your life happened to be. They hurt you and you automatically withdrew as all animals do- withdraw from pain. Now you can choose who to associate with and this is key. Choose people who cherish you, like the colleague at work, and un-choose those who damage you or those who will damage you if given the access to you.

As to your question: your anger, rage, hurt, sadness, fear- how to release these safely? Slowly, over time, no attempting to do it all-at-once. A little bit here, a little bit there. Preferably do so in the office of a competent, caring psychotherapist (!!!) Otherwise, maybe in a support group where the rules are that while you share, no one is allowed to interrupt or comment on your share afterwards. Or with a trusted friend who will not interrupt or belittle, argue with you afterwards.

And you are welcome to … type your emotions away right here. I can mirror them to you, simply repeat in my own words what you expressed, if you want- this way you can correct me if I didn’t understand something correctly and you can, once understood, feel understood, that your feelings are valid, make sense, carry messages that you need to hear.

anita