Dear jenko88:

Well, if this sums it up then you shouldn’t get him back unless you are willing and able to stop being this kind of “a fighter” and become a fighter of another kind. You shouldn’t rekindle the relationship for another run of abuse. A man, or a woman, should not be part of a war-zone kind of relationship, being under attack at any time. Safety is the cornerstone, the most important and necessary element in a loving relationship.

To get him back you first and foremost have to have a mind-boggling kind of realization that your kind of fighting has to stop, that it is not negotiable. Then you need some help in the process of… de-fighting. Maybe psychotherapy with a competent therapist, maybe a self help group.

If he believes that indeed you will provide him with a safe environment, maybe he will be drawn to you again. Of course, there is also the chance that he will get lonely, as many people do go back to destructive relationships for another run, and yet another.

Would you like to share about the origin of your fighting, your anger- when did it start, who was it that hurt you when you were a child?

anita