Dear Kirty. 🙂
I understand exactly how you are feeling, may i asked what made you change?
You are being giving judgement toward others but worse… you are going judgement toward yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know exactly how you feel, where i was at… i asked myself the same same same question. I was at a stage of life where all i see was beauty, then something really bad happened, slowly i only see negative things and slowly and slower i progressed into a bitter person. however, i have been much better lately and there is something i wrote just yesterday and i think it is perfect timing, i think it was meant to be for you and me too.
Here it is what i wrote about myself and you can also relate.

“Sorry that I judge.
But I will allowed myself to do so.
I know it’s a state right now, my heart just isn’t feeling it. There is not yet enough warmth I have created for myself.
So, I will judge when I want and I won’t when I can’t feel the judgement but love.
Every day is a different day, you can’t feel the same shit forever let’s face it.
Because what is the worse? Judging people when you don’t mean it, or you judging people and then judging yourself? I think judging yourself is the worse… Because the worse of the worse is not allowing yourself to be at whatever state you are in at right now, if you can’t feel it yet, you can’t control it. Then just let yourself be, it’s a way of letting out shit… It feels lonely, when you judge others and also judge yourself. You are forever alone, because not even you can be there for yourself. That, to me is the worse…
Let you be where the state of your life is taking you at now. Self hate is not allowing room for self love. But if you could judge other, then allow yourself to be so, aware of your action and be mindful about it. Atleast there are some love you have given for yourself. There are abit of mercy, and when there is so… Mindfulness exist
.. You are more gentle towards yourself, you will be softer to the outside. Allow yourself to be what you are, it’s ok. We are all struggling, trying to figure out ourselves. And it’s absolutely ok to be where you are right now. Soon, when you feel it and you will do what feels right.
The worse of the worse is blaming others then blaming ourselves.
But if we can understand, this is where I am at life right now. I will learn someday.
That is mindfulness, in a very selfish way

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Luna.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Luna.