Dear XenopusTex:

As to your first paragraph, you wrote: “Feel like I am an idiot for letting my self get blinded by the deep feelings I had for her. Kind of scares the hell out of me.” My comment: you are not an idiot for feeling anything at all, you are not an idiot for feeling loving feelings for this woman. Feeling what you felt/ feel for her simply means you are human. It is scary, I agree, to be a slave to your emotions, to do what you feel no matter what the reality is. That is scary. But if you can feel, let the emotion be, then evaluate the situation, see reality for what it is, then you can choose what to do taking in consideration your emotions and intellect, and do what makes sense. Emotions are not dangerous if you endure them, learn the valid messages behind them and be in cognitive control of your life.

Emotional Intelligence is this: valid messages behind emotions. As I see it the valid message behind your loving feeling for her is that you need to love and to be loved (no surprise). The wrong message would be for you to let her do with you as she wishes just so that she will have you in her life in any capacity she wishes. See the difference?

Regarding her motivation, the common behavior of some physically attractive women to use their looks so to make men give them money, material goods, do for them etc.. regarding this particular woman, I think you are wondering why isn’t she motivated to have the real thing, the whole relationship with you instead of aiming at a project done for her, something like that, am I correct? Is that what you are wondering about?

If so, good question. If I was her, and there is a man (you) who can greatly benefit me, a man who will be an honest, trustworthy, loving, generous man to me, why I would definitely consider aiming at a life together. Now, why doesn’t she? Here is a possible answer: because Emotional Intelligence is not common. Her brain can very well be foggy and she doesn’t see the whole picture. She sees a corner here (this man can do this for me) and a corner there, but she doesn’t see the picture: THIS man can be a good life partner for me.

anita