Dear Sam:

Lots of progress in the last year. Moving out of your parents’ house is the biggest accomplishment in my book, considering your mother’s cruelty and abuse of you. I am assuming you are still in contact with her? If so, too bad. When abused the way you have, even if she longer says and does the exact same things to you… because for one, you no longer fit in a laundry basket, she is still abusing you. All it takes is seeing the face of that woman, hearing her voice to trigger those past abuses. Plus you never know, when she is punishing you by withdrawing… Unless she attended therapy with you, opened up, took responsibility, made amends and changed thoroughly, contact with her is going to continue to handicap you, reverse your progress.

What happens with your love interest wouldn’t be happening if it wasn’t for your mother. Like you did with her, you take responsibility for his mistreating of you when none is warranted. You are so scared of your love interest (mother, this guy) withdrawing from you, the punishment she inflicted on you, that this guy stalking you is a kind of insurance for you, insurance against withdrawal.

If you are living away from your parents’ home, away from your mother (and the father who didn’t protect you from her, at the least), and you are paying your own bills, why not cut all contact?

Was no contact discussed in your therapy?

anita