Anita

Regarding teaching – my main goal was to teach adults. Sure, teaching kids was initially daunting at first but the main thing is I am capable of teaching. I wanted to teach to push and challenge myself. I may have came across as having not enjoyed it – I guess sometimes I focus and put more emphasis on the bad things because that’s just who I am. The last teaching experience did have its moments but I was in a really bad place when I wrote my first forum post, I was extremely bitter and I will only ever remember the negative things. Teaching may not be my number one passion but the point is I am capable of it and I feel like I need to pursue teaching because there is more job stability in teaching than in freelance illustration. I need to do what I can to get by. I got used to the students and they got used to me, and it just seemed draining and overwhelming for me because it was the first time I had done something like that.

The first time I worked abroad was one of the most exciting times in my life – being away from everybody, learning more about myself and my capabilities, seeing the world – this is what attracts me the most for travel and I haven’t been able to shake it from my mind. When I wrote that first post, I was in a state of “what the bloody hell was i thinking?” I wasn’t in the best state of mind. I hated everything. I lost all enthusiasm for everything. When the s**t hits the proverbial fan, that forces you to re-evaluate everything.

Maybe I do romanticize the whole idea of wanderlust and running away from a dull life to seek a life of adventure. Almost like I want to be the hero of my own story to go on a quest to overcome whatever it is I need to overcome and return victorious. Wanting to feel like Arthur when he prizes Excalibur from the stone… James when he escapes from his horrible aunts and jumps aboard the giant peach…Jack as he climbs the beanstalk to get one over on the tyrannical giant…Harry as he is taken from his cupboard underneath the stairs and sent to Hogwarts…Leaving behind less than desirable circumstances to go somewhere better…

I was in a bitter, twisted, dark place when I wrote that post and I didn’t know what I was going to do to get out of the mud but I think I am in a much better place now, emotionally – I am taking action, making plans.

I am going to do the intetview but I think I will have to let this one go – I know there is the chance of me not being successful. It doesn’t seem viable now. I feel wise now to make this rational decision – if this was the 2014 version of me I would have dived head first into this without stopping to think about the consequences or research the school. If I am presented with another opportunity and I have the means to carry out my plans, I will take it.

What must you think of me with all my mad rambling…!

Joe