Dear XenopusTex:

About certainty: there is a very high probability that how you experienced life so far, as an adult, will continue to be your experience- the dull pain, the quiet desperation; overwork and joylessness. On the other hand there is a reasonable probability that your life experience will significantly improve if you continue on this route of gaining Emotional Intelligence and wisely reaching out to potential partners. At the least, it will make life more interesting, wouldn’t it?

Now that you felt what you felt for her, there is a problem in your expectation. I think you were able to feel what you felt because you had no expectations and it caught you by surprise. With an expectation, I don’t think it is even possible. So, somehow, got to clear up the expectation brain department.

anita