Hi @ladybug2014,

I can definitely relate! I’m in my late 30s and I too have gone through “friendship dry spells” several times in my life. Hopefully what I’m about to write proves helpful to you:

I know this is cold comfort, but your situation is not unique. The post college years are tough when it comes to making (and keeping) social ties. You no longer have the benefit of school to introduce you to a fresh crop of new people every quarter/semester who you will have at the very least nominal things in common with (age, area of study, etc.) Plus everyone is being scattered to wind by relocating for jobs, getting married, starting a families, etc. Then there’s the added challenge of what you so perfectly described (and is sadly becoming an epidemic) of folks either unwilling/unable to adhere to the most basic manners and respectful behavior. People pay more attention to their smartphones then the person sitting across the table from them. They break plans with no thought of how it may affect their friend, often just because they couldn’t be bothered or found something more “exciting” to do. (Comedian Aziz Ansari brilliantly talks this in his stand up routines – he’s on Netflix if you want to check ’em out.)

I just painted a bleak picture for you, but I promise you it gets better. Eventually you will meet like minded people either through work, your significant other, a hobby, activities, etc. These bonds will take longer to form, but they will be of stronger mettle. As long as you do the work of getting out of the house/apartment you will eventually cross paths with other women who are as hungry for a quality friend as you are. Another key is letting go of expectation – just like with romantic dating, if you do something with the intention of “I’m going to X so I can meet somebody” you’ll most likely exude this desperate energy that will repel people. Another positive thing about the post-college years (and it sounds like you’re already well on your way in this department) is you’ve dealt with enough flakes that you start to get really good about seeing “red flags” (like the neediness) in folks and know not to invest energy into that individual.

So hang in there! All things have their season. I’ve probably gone through 4-5 sets of friends since leaving university. I’m grateful for the time I spent with all of them, but as we grew and changed as people it wouldn’t have been authentic/realistic to keep them in my life forever. Sometimes I miss them, and sometimes the parting was painful, but their departure made room for the current crop of remarkable ladies (and a few gentlemen) I have by my side today. I have them now because I was equal parts patient, lucky, AND I didn’t settle just because I was lonely.

Best wishes to you my dear! I’ll be sending good vibes your way and truly hope you find some remarkable souls to share your life’s journey.