Dear marie:

Your boyfriend is correct when he says anger is a normal emotion. Unfortunately, expressed abusively is very damaging to the targets of the abuse. When he yells at you, that is abusive. Over time, it hurts you, you walk on eggshells, living in fear of the next explosion. Will be a good idea if he attends psychotherapy, take anger management classes and such. So to control and manage the expressions of his anger.

He told you how his family/ parents failed him, hurt him. If I was you, I wouldn’t get close to his parents, to his mother particularly, even though it felt good to you that she said he seems so happy with you. His mother is one reason why your boyfriend is suffering. Stand by him, take his side, not his mother’s.

And above all, take your own side: being a target of abuse must not be an option for you. He must stop the yelling and control his anger while he heals the hurt and fear underneath, through competent psychotherapy.

anita