Dear Tessa,
It hurts our feelings when a close friend says we’re “too” anything! I don’t even like being called “too nice” because I feel like a sucker.
You’re probably not too intense. However, it would be best for you if you find a way not to obsess or put the cart before the horse, so to speak.

Try not to project what you hope the relationship will be and just try to enjoy it one day at a time.

When you talk with your friend, are you allowing adequate pauses between thoughts? If you sound frantic and are rambling it can come across as too intense. Be sure you are also asking her about her life.

Imagining the worst is nearly as bad as if it happened. It isn’t helping you.
I have a close friend who is terribly stressed about work and money. I love her. But I can’t call her anymore. I check in via email.
She starts a frantic stream of thoughts “I have to keep this job. If I lose this job I’ll lose my house. My boss hates me and I don’t feel good at what I do and I think they’ll figure it out and fire me….”

Read that and tell me how it makes you feel? It’s intense and it stresses me because there’s never a break from it with her. She needs therapy because our friends are not our therapists.

It may help you to talk to someone professionally if your thoughts run rampant. Or start by saying in your head “Stop. Is there proof? Is it helping to think that way?” And go out and have fun with your friend!

Remember to take some deep breaths. Maybe journal. When you write how you feel it truly helps. You can look back at it, reread and if you still feel the same anxiety, then confide in a friend…make sure it’s in a relaxed environment. Don’t bring it up at the end of a long work day (for her). Spend some quiet fun time with her. Then later in the day ask her if she thinks whatever you are concerned about is truly a concern.

Good luck.