You’re welcome, Butterfly0307.

It sounds like you really have done some good research.

The Stockholm syndrome was mentioned several times in the material I read. You might dig into that a bit more.

Regarding closure, much of what I read suggested that you write down everything you want to say, and write out all the questions you want to ask, and rant as you would like, but then don’t send it. Never send it. Stick with no contact whatsoever.

I also suggest that you might find it beneficial to make a list of what you hope to accomplish by actually engaging in communication with him regarding closure. Then ask yourself, based on your knowledge of his past behavior, if there really is any good chance that those things will be accomplished. Also consider how he might take the opportunity to derail your closure and put you back into the push-pull cycle. Weigh the chances for a positive closure, and if the risk of even greater negativity is not acceptable, then don’t do it.

Also consider the role hope plays in sending him a letter. I speculate that the chances of you (or anyone) hoping for a reply would be significant. In such a case, hope itself would prolong your pain and delay you becoming happy again. I suggest that the sooner you let hope for the relationship to die, the sooner you will be able to decompress from your pain and anxiety.

Beyond that, it is hard for me to give you advice on closure. My situation was different, and the way things ended provided all the closure necessary.

Another motif in the material I read was the benefit of therapy (with a qualified and caring therapist) for those who are recovering from experiences with BPD, NPD, and sociopathic partners. If you aren’t already seeing a therapist to help you with this, you might consider how it may benefit you and speed your healing.

If you create a new, stand-alone thread, I’m sure the other members would have some good input and advice for you. They may not see your question here.

Stay strong. You can make it through this.

CMI