Thanks to all of you for such writing such beautiful and prompt responses. It’s amazing what reading your advice did to lift my mood. Although this issue is very much a reality in my life, I did write the post when I was having an especially bad day. I am slowly realizing something though- a lot of my issues surrounding my relationship problems came from not 1) getting clear on my values, and 2) not living my values to begin with. I assumed that people who likes the same activities I do (art, photography, etc) would also have the same values, but that’s not even close to the case.

Stacey- I have taken the Myers-Brigg test twice, and once I did get the INFJ type, just like you! The other time, I came up as an INFP. But regardless, what you are saying is very true. If you are someone whose values/personality type aren’t common, it will take longer to meet the right people. The problem is, I’m not very patient when it comes to these things…lol. And perhaps, it does take more of an effort because unfortunately, values like environmental/social responsibility, empathy, feminism, creativity don’t always figure high on people’s lists in the modern Western world.

Katie- thank you for writing out your experience for me. I don’t feel so alone after reading it, so I appreciate that. I do think comparison is a huge problem for me. I’m not a social media fanatic (luckily), but just seeing people bonding, going out, etc., makes me think, why is it SO hard for me to have that? At the same time, I am very happy in pursuing my writing, spiritual practice, reading, etc. These are the kind of things that young people are not expected to be interested in, and so I’ve always felt like the odd one out. I think you are right- my unhappiness stems, not always from the fact that I’m not in someone’s company at a certain moment, but by the fact that I’m THINKING about what other people are probably doing right at that minute, or after listening to them rehash their plans from the night before. It’s funny because I HAVE had fairly recent periods in my life where I was going out and partying, but with the totally wrong crowd, so I wasn’t happy then anyway! As for work, for ‘practical reasons’ I entered a field that I find super dry, so the kind of people who that field attracts aren’t the kind of people who get passionate about the kind of things that I do. But I am in the middle of a career switch, so hopefully all that will change.

Many of you who were kind enough to respond have mentioned meetups/volunteering. I actually have been in one particular meetup for a while, but- and I take full responsibility for this- instead of trying to connect with different people there, I got very, and I mean very, hung up on someone there. Totally unrequited. And because of the intensity of my attraction/feelings for him, I neglected to branch out toward other meetups, or even meeting other people at that particular meetup. 6 months for this one guy. So, who knows, maybe there were a lot of friend options I had all this time that I didn’t even take because I was so hung up on this guy!

Thanks again for all your well thought-out and kind responses.