Wow. Just . . . wow. Your response was incredibly insightful, clear and gave me such a great sense of relief! Your comments about how and why this still keeps happening to me not only helps me understand why I can’t beat this, but it makes me feel like less of a failure for NOT being able to “get over it”. I wish just one of my therapists had been able to pinpoint it for me that quickly and clearly – it would have saved me years of effort and frustration and, ultimately, feelings of failure and defeat.

This is NOT my fault, and there isn’t much I CAN do to change the situation, but now I maybe I can accept that and stop wasting energy trying to beat it or conquer it.

For a little more background (which will just solidify what you so accurately summarized) my sister has LITERALLY been this way towards me since the day I was born: I was born on her 10th birthday and she resented now having to SHARE her birthday with someone else every year. And the fact that she and my other sister are 10 and 9 years older than me just made the feelings of isolation, abandonment, and inferiority even stronger – they bonded together and I was always just the pesky little sister who had nothing in common with them. My mother was of no help, as a matter of fact she contributed to my problems: when I started developing tics and OCD and nervous habits, she would scream at me to stop because I was embarrassing her and that someone might think I was crazy and lock me away. I also heard during my early years that she thought she was too old to be having me and that she cried through the entire pregnancy because she didn’t want another child. Gee, thanks, Mom.

Looking back, I’m amazed that I turned out as well as I did. But while you’re living your life, you have no idea that there are valid reasons for what you’re feeling and that this isn’t how everyone grew up. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Finally, all these years later, I have a slight clue.

Thanks for giving me the peace and comfort to realize there’s not much I can do to change it, that I should continue to avoid wherever possible, and that I should just put up my wall to protect my heart and head when I’m going to be around her. I may print your reply and carry it around with me, not only as a reminder to myself, but to show to my well-meaning friends when they tell me to just not take it personally and not let it bother me. If only it were that easy.

Sue