Dear sugarhut:

I thought about my last post to you, on and off today. It occurred to me that feeling normal in a painful situation is very common. In prisons it is called being “institutionalized”: the prisoner becomes comfortable, sooner or later in prison and when out the released prisoner feels uncomfortable, sometimes committing a crime just so to go back to prison. The brain and the rest of the body becomes adjusted to any situation, be it prison or an abusive home, finds comfort in this and that within the prison life or the abusive relationship and even joy.

I think you got “institutionalized” and again, it is a very common adjustment to an undesirable situation. Just as prison becomes “normal” and freedom becomes abnormal and distressing, so is your relationship “normal” and freedom from it is abnormal and distressing.

It is similar to so many people feeling “normal” being passive and abnormal being assertive, so even though assertiveness will serve us all better, it is too distressing for many to be assertive. Has been like that for me.

What do you think?

anita