The thing is when I am away from her for quite a time everything is fine, but then with or without her people start playing with me again. I could just spend less time home or stay where I live now without my parents, yet I can’t thing of a way of neglecting some 20 years of my life and in some point it;s like part of me wants to be fooled and mistreated and there is always somebody by my side suitable for that job- maybe I got a talent for that, I don’t know. I can’t even explain to myself why I tend to believe that poeple have some good seeds in them and always give chance to them and they always prove me wrong. I could move out , I could see her or talk less with her seeking understanding and love somewhere else, but why instead of those good seeds I am expecting to nourish in people there come only the bad ones.