Thank you so much intuition, jyaetto, anita and jeena for your supportive feedback. Neither of us keep bringing up the past intentionally. Sometimes I say things that remind him of the past struggles or he says things that I try my best to avoid linking it back in time in a negative way. As my best friend, he had to watch me go through another relationship that he obviously felt was unfair to him but for my happiness, he swallowed everything he could to see me happy. I understand this was difficult for him and that no other guy would’ve stuck around for me at a time like this. In fact, I knew what this was doing to him at the time but the only thing I could do was minimize staying in contact to prevent him from getting hurt whilst I tried to find ways to figure myself out.

My now fiance understands everything that happened, why they all happened and why and how I pulled out of my old life in order to be with him. He’s been in struggle for too long and sometimes I convince myself that he’s used to being on the shortchanged end for too long so this is a natural reaction at reflex. I don’t want to change my fiance as a man because I love him just as he is, with all his flaws, insecurities and mood swings too. But seeing as the past consists of regretful memories of lost time being together and happy, I just need to know what ways there are to avoid things like this happening where there are many memories that’ll keep rising in conversations throughout our lives and we can’t just avoid talking about them. Something as simple as the ‘first time’ talk… regardless of what it is referring to. I am striving to find things to do and have with my fiance ‘for the first time’ so that he feels special and is convinced that no matter what kind of life I’ve had before him, he is the only one I want. He even knows this and is convinced but we can’t help being human and feeling insecure about the past events sometimes.

I understand we cannot go back in time. I’m so happy that I’ve transcended the life that a lot of people have as a result of having a best friend of the opposite sex by the side whilst being in another relationship with both guys in love with the same girl. The girl walks out and most likely both guys have gone and she ends up alone, but in my case, I tried everything I could so that the love I have for my best friend would never be misinterpreted as rebound. I wanted to make him feel loved by me in all fairness so that he wouldn’t have any doubts or insecurities. I want him to be happy no matter what. And I want that life with him that involves arguments that take us to the future, not drag us back down into the past that we cannot change.

What kind of things would you say we can do together to enhance such a relationship and to lead a happy life together?