My leaving has usually been fairly short lived but the last time it lasted 4 weeks during which time I was not at all at ease. I stayed in a rented house, on my own mostly but also spent quality time with the lady I mentioned with whom I have had a long term relationship. I was in a rather depressed state of high anxiety for much of the time. I’m not quite sure why I went back or how it really happened other than I didn’t go “no contact” so somehow got reeled back in to the trap. To be honest it is all a bit vague and I was something of a wreck in terms of my mental health. Going back was a big mistake and as soon as I was back the thoughts of leaving returned at least as strong as ever, if not more so.