Dear ajack379:

You asked: ” Can the impulse to a voice fear and self loathing really drive me to feel that someone isnt attractive any more?”

Yes, I did it, my mind did it without my knowing. So from personal experience, it is possible and it makes sense: when a person becomes a threat (the threat = experiencing increased distress), then an association (a neuropathway) in the brain is made between that person and distress and that pathway overrides previous attraction.

The first question in your last post was: “Do you believe then this impulse to protect myself from increased fear and self loathing, by leaving the relationship is an act of self deception? That the only thing it serves is protecting myself more.”

I think that the impulse to end the relationship with her is based on your previous-to her experience you had with your mother, father, bullies in school, etc. From your sharing there is no evidence of a real threat being posed by her. Seems like she triggered, by her being a person only, past threats with other people. Deception is a strong word, more like “inaccurate projection as I see it.

And yes, the purpose is to protect yourself. Of course.

— I am thinking you developed the belief, at a young age (as children do), that you were the cause of your mother’s distress, that you caused her distress that in turn distressed you. And you may believe that once in close proximity, you will again cause your girlfriend to become distressed and in turn distress you…?

anita