Hello! Thank you for your post.

Well. From our contact so far, I would say yes the relationship is over. Though at first I did not want the break up or currently I am still rethinking, I am also unsure if I want the ldr with him. I don’t think I will be happy with him in the Long run (ldr) if he doesn’t put in his 100%. So I dun see this working out as Long as we both have distance between us. From his recent texts, he does still care about me. It is actually weird. The other day, I texted him (drunk) and he wanted to call me the next day to catch up. But I refused the call the next day when I get sobered up. Lol. Deep down inside my heart, I myself do not want this Long distance. So I really want to know the answers to my questions. I feel like he is perfect for me when we were together. Only distance and our career choices aren’t aligned so we chose this decision. Thank you very much for your time.

Thank you very much for your kind reply. I hope you are right that it is not meant to be if it did not work out. But it is hard to wrap my mind around that idea right now. Simply because I still believe we would be good together if we don’t have distance between us. But I am accepting the reality and moving on without feeling bitter or negativity in this whole situation. Thank you for your response. Appreciate it very much.

Okay. I will write down the reasons why I feel that he is my person.

First is his upbringing and background. He was brought in Islamic family yet since he was young, he rebelled against the idea of Islam and religion in general. Now he is the only one Non-Muslim in his family or family friends. He can’t believe the idea of God. He has been very strong about his beliefs. I am from a strong Therevada Buddhist family and still am a Buddhist. I had always been the seeker of truth and never believe the idea of God (Buddhism rebutt the existence of God). We got closer together because of our spiritual beliefs. He himself is a seeker of truth and he likes the idea of Buddhism much more than any religions out there. His traumatic childhood and his feelings of loneliness and isolation, I completely understand him. I understand his reasons for his beliefs because I feel the same way too. The fact that he is interested in the same spirituality as me is also a very mind blowing factor.

Second is our strengths and weaknesses complement each other. He is not an optimistic person. Whereas I have a more positive view on life. But I can be very dreamy and idealistic while he is more logical, rational and realistic. This is not incompatibility because we never fought over it. Rather our differences made us a very strong team when we were together. He felt down and sad easily from setbacks due to his pessimistic nature and I was always there encouraging him with positive words. When I was impulsive and reckless regarding my relationships with my parents, he was there to rationalise the situation for me wjen I was simply overwhelmed with emotions.

Another thing is intuition or gut feeling or whatever. I have slept (non-sexual) with my lovers before. When they cuddled with me or when I was in their arms, I never felt right. It felt wrong to wake up in their arms or to fall asleep in their arms. With my recent ex, it was not like that at all. Every morning I woke up beside him was burst of happiness welling up inside me. When we fall asleep together, it is just peaceful. In his company, I just feel a strong sense of belonging and rightness and peace. The only emotion I can recall is peace. Not even passionate though we have our passionate moments. Most of the time is just this sense of peace and calmity washing over us. Never felt so comfortable in another human being presence. Till now, we are no longer in contact yet my gut instincts tell me that he is not going to be gone like that in my life. Our connection is very strong. We get each other and it is crazy to even be saying this.

And I dun think I am the only feeling this because when he was here, he told me in his words that I feel like his soulmate and sometimes he would say things like “I feel like I am home when I am with you” (after not seeing each other for a few days). I felt his love. I felt his genuinity.

But despite all the greatness and my feelings, I want to focus my attention on something else hence I need to get over this. I feel that if he is meant to be my soulmate or the love of my life, he would eventually find his way home. Yeah thanks for reading. I am having a hard time going through this break up because this relationship has been one of the best things happened to me.

Fun fact:
When we first met during orientation at my university, I immediately noticed him and found him intriguing. It was not because I found him good looking (though he is but he is not the conventional good looking). It was more of his presence and how he held himself. I found him interesting. He said he noticed me too. He wanted to get to know me better. But during orientation, we were in different groups so we didn’t have opportunities to talk. And he kind of liked me since the first semester but I was that time very much not interested in dating and only saw him as a Friend ( I didn’t know that he liked me at all)

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Elvia Carter.

Thanks for your quick reply.

Honestly I am not sure I can find the qualities I love in him in another man. The things I love about him as you can see are not superficial. They are (what I feel) emotional compatibility. Another thing I like about him is that he is extremely patient. Very sweet temperer which is another complement to my short temper. I am not sure I can find all these in another man. But I dun want to say a blind statement that I would not find another love again. Because me at 21 might be suitable with this guy but me at 25 might have other emotional needs that someone else might be able to fulfil better. But at this point in my life right now, I still feel like I could not be able to love another person the way I did towards him and find another soulful connection. And yes you are right. He does not like to be surrounded by people who believed in different things. He often told me (during ldr) that he feels like a different person in UK. It is another aspect of his personality, he said. And also there were this awful relationship he went through two years before me, which involved financial and emotional stress on his parents’part. He still feels guilty about that burden he put on his parents. And I think he wants to make his parents happy. And his Mother is worried that I will hurt him because of Long distance and all. There is a lot of emotional investment when there is very little hope for the future. He expressed those concerns for me as well. And ldr is expensive with lots of visits. He doesn’t wanna ask his parents for money again especially to maintain his relationship. He was working before we broke up to save up to come but somehow along the way, things didn’t work out 🙁 With his ex, when he was away at college, he got an apartment on campus and lived with his ex. And he told me that his ex cheated money on him and also was unfaithful. Sigh. I think now you get the rough idea about why he might have made the decision to break his ldr off. It is not just distance.

Woah. I just had a light bulb lit up in my brain at the moment. You are very wise, Anita. What you said makes complete sense to me. I feel like this is his own issue and his own journey that he had to find the real him. He did tell me that when he was in my country, he felt more like himself. And the fact that I have no idea of how he is like back in his hometown probably contributes to the factor that he does not feel as strongly as he did when he was with me. But you said that the side of him in his country is also a part of him – a part that I don’t have the chance to know at all. That means that I could not completely conclude that we would be good together in every sense. Thank you for this insight. I think writing all these down is therapeutic in a way. I am going to stay positive for the future. Right now, it is very tough for me to get over this man. He is really a good man. Not as a boyfriend or a partner, as a friend. He has very good reputation in my college because people know him as kind hearted and genuinely nice guy. I guess time will heal everything. And hopefully I can get over all the hurt and loss of this relationship and have the courage to love someone again. Thank you very much.