Dear Chris:

You asked for concrete, not abstract: how to stop the past from defining your present (and future)?

The “outside” method of doing that: specifically define what behaviors are not acceptable for you and see to it that you do not engage in those behaviors (takes will power combined with relaxation techniques and other tools and skills). This method is effective immediately. it is in the management/ coping category.

The “inside” method of doing that. This method is not effective immediately. It is in the healing category. It takes practice over the period of months and years. It requires ongoing gentleness toward yourself and an incredible amount of patience with the process. This is it:

You learn to pay attention like you never had before, attention to what is taking place in between your ears as well as the rest of your body. You learn to pay attention to the outside world, other people, things, places. This paying attention is called Mindfulness. You never become mindful-enough. There is always MORE to pay attention to. As you become more and more mindful, you unlearn the old and learn the new- no such thing as something too small to unlearn or to learn. I referred to a Process. This process, is the re-wiring of the brain- loosening those knots of false old learnings by inserting new learning into it. Old neuro-pathways, connections (old learnings) in the brain are loosened by making new pathways, new connections (new learnings).

As you read the above paragraph, it may not seem or feel concrete for you, and this is exactly the point: it cannot be concrete until you practice it.

anita