@Driftwood: Speedy replies.

I understand, he’s already becoming less and less bothersome. I’m reaching a point where I find myself thinking “what else could he say?”. I’ve already boo-hoo’d at basically everything negative he’s said about me, and now I’m pretty much over it. But it’s also understandable as to why it hit me worse in the past few years, because he’s been preying on me since I was just turning 13. And most 13 year olds don’t get that much negative attention towards them, and they don’t know how to handle it.

There was some talk in the living room a while ago that bothered me a bit. Mother dragged me grocery shopping a few weeks ago, and got me to help with bagging and such (when I wasn’t busy panicking, due to the large amount of people). She reported this to him (as she usually does with everything, and that’s why I can’t tell her anything) and he replied with “yeah, try to make that a habit”. I get it, I’m a lazy slob who’s never had a chore before, but it feels a little degrading to have a baboon try to train my mother to put me to work. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but the thought genuinely makes me want to hurt something. (Not that I will.)

And thank you, for your comment on the painting. I wanted something that pictured the statement “together, but alone”, since it is long-distance, and him and I are rather alienated people. Oddballs, as some might say.

@Anita: Your examination on the statement does make a lot of sense. I know you’ve briefly gone over it before, but what exactly does heal a “wound”, then?

And thanks, I think I understand what core beliefs are, now. Just simple statements that you believe in, it seems.

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Sorry for my limited amounts of writing, I’m still very wiped out from this past weekend. I had to babysit my two friends from Friday to Sunday, and my anxiety was haywire, so I didn’t get much of any sleep. One of my friends decided we should go shopping on black friday, and so I spent the majority of Friday panicking in big crowds. Friday night/morning was spent trembling, having short nightmares and bleaching my roots. Saturday was spent napping, Saturday night was a mini panick attack, because I thought one of my friends was mad at me (after she left). Sunday was spent napping.

Also irrelevant, but we ran out of hair bleach, (it’s not light enough to put the blue dye in yet, because it would turn green, right now) so now I have a pretty obvious insecurity that makes going out in public awful. The top half of my hair is very yellow, and the bottom half is a faded blue. Hats and hoods are my current best friends. Mom keeps giving me “soon, soon” about getting more bleach. If I haven’t mentioned it, she loves to put off everything. Pray for my hair and I.