Hello,
I’m a 27 year old man from a conservative society. I’m a virgin who hasn’t even touched or kissed a girl before. I’m from a very middle class background. I live in a rented house with my family. I’m in no position to get married, financially. I know for sure I would not be able to provide an environment comfortable enough for a girl and a possible child or two in the future. I don’t see my financial situation developing drastically enough in the next four or five years for a thing like marriage to happen for me. My parents and relatives seem to understand it as well and therefore haven’t begun any talk about my marriage, as people usually do in most households when a boy reaches 24-25 or a girl reaches the age of 20-21. I have no dates. Casual hook-ups don’t seem right to me (like some of my friends do). I don’t feel right about going to brothels or meeting hookers. I have missed my chance to find myself a girlfriend during my school or college days under the impression that it was too early and fearing judgement from my family, relative circle. I didn’t feel the lack of girl friend much before since my friends, who are more or less my age, didn’t have a girlfriend or wife for long.
But in the past few months things have changed a lot. A lot of my friends have gotten married, have found gfs or have hooked up. Now the peer pressure is slowly getting to me (most people get this in their teens, but since I’m from a conservative society, things have happened late here). But my society is changing as well and I’m only recently observing it. People used to talk bad about you if you had gf/bf or even held hands with your opposite gender a few years ago (during my teens). But now there are hardly a handful of people in their early twenties who haven’t had a gf, had sex or been in a relationship. And those youngsters actually mock me if I say I haven’t done any of the things they have done or seen. And even parents (mine and my friends’) and relatives who used to speak bad a few years ago are actually blaming me now for not doing anything fun or interesting. Obviously they haven’t restricted me from finding myself a girlfriend even during college days, but whenever I see them criticising other people my age who used to have gfs or bfs, it made me believe they would look down upon me as well (since going after girls, flirting and proposing in the teens or early twenties seemed too early for them back then. Told ya’ very conservative society from a different era.)
Now even they slowly start to see me as a loser who doesn’t know how to enjoy life. Youngsters say that it’s too late for me now to be ‘casual’ and I have to only look to marry. All through my life I had been waiting eagerly that my time would come to have fun and enjoy, but suddenly the world has turned topsy turvy and it seems like my time had already come and gone. Now people expect me to be responsible and start a serious relationship for which I’m not yet ready emotionally or financially.
These are the things that bother me now.
1. That I have wasted my time worrying too much about pleasing others.
2. I’m not in a financial and emotional state for serious relationships even at age 27.
3. I want to have fun and enjoy but can’t.
4. I do have great sexual urges but don’t know how to satisfy them (masturbation or porn doesn’t satisfy me).
What is the solution for me? Sometimes I get so depressed that I just want to end it all. I can’t even speak about it to anyone for the fear of being judged.