I hope you can give me some advice.

I’m coming out of a painful divorce from a twenty-year marriage that is definitely over as my husband was a cheater. I have met up with a man from my past – it just happened on Facebook. We never had a serious relationship in the past as we were very young at the time. We then lost contact over the years as we both married someone else. He came up to my city (he lives about 150 miles away) to take me to lunch. I really enjoyed his company. He’s also had two painful divorces. Then he invited me to visit him for the weekend – he lives in another city. I traveled to visit him. We had a great time and kissed a bit but didn’t go all the way. I really enjoyed the physical play with him. But then I went back home and he continued to text me but he’s not very communicative via text. He also keeps warning me that he can’t commit to anything serious – that he doesn’t want a girlfriend. He also keeps telling me not to fall for him.

He invited me to visit again so we could have sex. I thought about it for a few weeks and decided to go for it. I don’t know if I just wanted the sex, but I think deep inside I was hoping he’d want more than the strange set-up and something more definite once we’d had sex. Well, I went there. It was difficult for the first few days and I wondered if I was ready for it, but eventually something happened between us and I melted. He is a very gentle and kind person despite his rather bizarre way of having a relationship with a woman.

The other problem is that he intends to start a new life in another city even farther away which will make it impossible for our relationship to work unless I move closer to him. So, after the second weekend with him, he went quiet. He also has a casual relationship with another woman whom he insists he’s not in love with or committed to. I felt terrible and then made the decision that if he broke it off with me, that would be a sign from God that our relationship wasn’t meant to be because I just didn’t have the strength to break it off. I really like him and wish something could happen between us. But I knew this set-up probably wasn’t healthy for me, and that I was stupidly hoping for something that would never happen.

Well, a week or so later he said to me that he just wants to be friends. So, I felt kind of relieved that it was all over. Then the next day, he flirts with me and asks for me to come to him again. (I can’t at the moment as we are both busy with other commitments.) A few days after that, I told him I would be coming to his city again next week to visit family but he said he won’t be there. Fine. I understood. Then he flirts with me again and asks for me to come when we both are available again. So, it’s basically this – he just wants the sex and a friendship, but no commitment. He’s a very affectionate and caring person so it makes no sense. Although in texting, he’s not that communicative and caring – only when I’m with him. I feel we get on well and I can see a successful relationship with him if only he didn’t hold back so much.

I told him that I don’t want just sex – that I want to be his girlfriend and I want connection and the freedom to express my feelings for him. He just said he wasn’t ready for it but he didn’t get nasty or turn me away. Whenever I try to meditate and tap into my intuition regarding the relationship e.g. with my oracle card readings, etc., I feel like I must just be patient – that it’s going to come right. But I’m worried that I’m being led by my emotions – that the sex with him has bonded me to him and I’m not taking note of lots of red flags. The other thing is that I really enjoy sex with him and want it again. It’s hard not to stop thinking of him. But if I have sex again, I’ll probably get more attached and end up worse than before. Yet, it’s really, really good! Will I find someone else like him?