I’ve been in a relationship for 8 months. I’m a very sensitive and emotional ISFJ and this is not my first relationship. He’s a low-maintenance INTP and it’s his first relationship.

Things went well initially, then our conflict started about 1 month ago. It began with differing emotional needs– my need for quality time and physical touch balanced with his need for space and alone time. I’m a very affectionate person and he’s not. Initially I didn’t realise and saw it as a rejection. Subsequently I tried to respect his needs, but he somehow misunderstood that I was trying to coerce him to express affection, and thought I was trying to henpeck him and control the relationship.

Neither of us express our unhappiness in a verbally / physically aggressive way, but things have been very tense between us. As he created more distance between us, I grew more attached and my old anxiety of being abandoned started coming up again (it hasn’t for over 15 years).

Recently we saw a religious counselor who opined that I was over-reacting, over-sensitive and over-emotional, and suggested that we allow God (or the Divine) to lead the way, rather than our wills. Since then, I have felt that he has been pulling further away from me.

I think that I should give the relationship some space, but my unfulfilled needs left me feeling very lonely and unloved. Last night, I met up with my ex-boyfriend out of sheer loneliness and we made out. I know what I did was unethical and I’m sabotaging our relationship because I wouldn’t want him to do the same to me.

I sense that my behaviour indicates that my current relationship may not be the best fit for me and yet I can’t let it go.