I found this site because I got on my knees asking God for help with my emotions; my sense of belonging. I have a deep need for compassion but this is not the time for me to get a dog or a cat. I am the only girl out of three boys. Even at the age of 50, my dad makes sure that I have everything that I ever want or need. If I get sick, I retreat to my dad’s house; he makes sure I want for nothing. The contractor that I am dating, brings me breakfast in bed every morning, cooks dinner and will get me whatever I want.

Then why do I feel emotionally unstable?

In Sept 2015, I left my husband after 16 years. He was uncaring and I was his very last priority. The last incident caused me to cry while driving two hours back to DC.
I own a small business in DC and one of the contractors that worked for my business asked me out on a date. I accepted his offer to go dancing and we have been dating every since. In 2016, I left DC to go to graduate school in Boston. I don’t particularly like driving long distance so the contractor drove me to Boston and paid for my housing for three months.

Last year, the contractor (owns a small business) decided he wanted to continue his career, so he moved to Boston and started school as well. He smokes weed and drinks a glass of wine daily. As for the weed, he goes outside or waits until I leave to indulge in his habits. The worst habit is he calls his dad, mom or sisters in Nigeria everyday. I can’t understand what he is saying, but they like to talk to me on the phone.

I went through his phone once and noticed he was talking to a female online about sex. I asked him to leave, so he slept in the car and on the floor until we could sought things out. This was around my birthday. When I questioned him about the female, he said: “it was because we were having problems.” I’ve checked his phone several times since but I haven’t found anything. Of course, I still don’t trust him.
I try to have standards; like no sex or no full intercourse before marriage.
He brought me an engagement ring, but I took it off in the midst of confusion. I’ve filled for a divorce from my husband three times; my husband wouldn’t sign the papers and the last time I could not make it to court. My husband calls me every day apologizing. I told him “I live with someone and reconciliation would be impossible.” He keeps saying “he can forgive me and he’s not giving up on the marriage.”
The contractor is from Nigeria; he had eight wives. He said, “he brings women from Nigeria, and they leave him.” He has three girls in America that he never talks too. But a son and daughter in Nigeria that he speaks too on a regular basis.
He has been in Nigeria for six weeks, we video chat and talk throughout the day and night. He said, “He is building a house for our retirement.” I don’t know the future, but I don’t plan on living in another country. Honestly, he didn’t answer the phone one night, and I flipped. After I had spoken with him, I was all right. That’s when I realized that I needed to address my emotions.

I love the contractor but feel like I’m in an unknown tunnel and I don’t know which way to go…