Hello Tiny Buddha’s –

I really just wanted to gain some perspective from everyone to see their thoughts on my situation.

My boyfriend and I met in university in 2010 and have been together ever since. Unfortunately, he had to drop out and return back home (we’re both from the same country) and had a long distance relationship from 2012 – 2015. When I returned back home in 2015 I found out that he had cheated on me and whilst I forgave him I still felt a lot of anger inside and was seeking revenge. I tried self-help books, counseling, talking to friends – everything! But it was times during arguments, intercourse or when were out and saw the girl that I felt the anger bubble up inside of me.

Fast-forward to early 2016: I felt very distant towards my boyfriend, almost, numb; I didn’t care if he cheated on me again or if he left…I didn’t care about anything he did at all to be honest – I was busy living my life and trying to develop in my first career after university. During this time, I met a man who was old enough to be my dad at a professional networking event. We started talking on a few topics and realized that we both had a lot in common despite the age. He is very wealthy, successful and accomplished and offered me a lot of advice on how I can advance in my career; after taking his advice I actually ended up doing very very well in my career so I decided to keep in touch with him on a professional basis (keep in mind I’m still with my boyfriend). We did lunch and ran into each other at corporate happy hour events where we continued talking…it was only now that I was starting to feel something for this man. He was (or pretended to be) interested in my career, offered me advice about saving and investing and how to enter the stockmarket etc. On top of that he had travelled to so many places and his stories were amazing – it’s literally like meeting someone who has the SAME exact interests as you. I found out that my boyfriend was now talking to someone else and I really didn’t care. I ended up seeing this older man one night and we were both drinking and found myself back at his place for the night. I woke up feeling terrible about what I had done to my boyfriend but something about this man kept me around…I was craving him…I wanted more and so, I did more.

I eventually ‘saw the light’ after numerous nights together and ended things with him because I realized this was just something masking my inner pain. I loved my boyfriend but I was looking for a way to hurt him…I was in love with the idea of this man and all that he had accomplished; I felt like this is the kind of man I saw myself with in the future: smart, successful, wanting to travel the world etc. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was lazy, a university drop-out, working a low-end job and could hardly surprise me with little things like dinner, or a romantic night at home like I do. I felt like I did everything for him – landed him a new job; constant lectures about saving and the future; scolding him for spending outrageous money on things he really can’t afford etc. I felt like his mother to be honest.

Nevertheless, I decided to ‘start fresh’ and be honest about the dirt I did behind his back. I told him everything about this old man and I and everything we did – he was upset, but he then told me everything about the girl he slept with and the girls he was speaking to behind my back. We both cried, hugged and went for dinner the next day where we both promised that we wouldn’t do that to each other and we would never bring our past back up.

That was 2 months ago – whilst I DO NOT bring up any of the dirt he did he constantly brings up my dirt…especially if I’m late leaving work or late to reply back to his texts. I understand why he doesn’t trust me anymore but what I’m wondering is, if someone is honest with you about what they did wrong you either have the choice to ACCEPT them back or END IT and move on. He decided to ACCEPT me and move on together with me but still brings up the past. My job requires me to attend dinner’s with clients that run late; travel and a lot of networking events. EVERYTIME I have one of these functions he accuses me of cheating. I take pictures as ‘proof’ that I’m not doing anything…call him while I’m at the event and even leave early to get home to him (which I’ve gotten in trouble for from my boss already).

I honestly don’t know if it’s just better for me to move on from him because he will never trust me again OR do I keep trying to prove my love to him and that he can trust me?

I’m open to ALL criticisms…

Thank you!