Dear busybee:

If I was you, from the information you presented here, I would not show up to the birthday party. If you want to see your friend, to wish her happy birthday, do so before or after the party, maybe a day later. I don’t know if standing up to him at this point is right for you (?), but it definitely doesn’t sound right to do it in the birthday party.

Your ex was aggressive and abusive toward you, and yet your friend remained friends with him: did she accept his behavior as okay? Or was she neutral about his abuse of you because it was not directed at her?

anita