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Should I stand up to my emotionally abusive ex?

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  • #126189
    Bee
    Participant

    A few years ago I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend who put me down and lied to me. I got the courage to leave him and he was very aggressive and verbally abusive towards me. We have mutual friends and from the point that I left him I have chosen not to attend social events when I know he is there.

    I have worked hard to rebuild myself after the relationship and had therapy to help my healing process. I am now lucky enough to be in a brilliant relationship and be in a happy place. I have however, been invited to a friends 30th bday party (I have been friends with her for 13 years). She has remained friends with my ex and has invited him and his new gf to her bday party.

    I would like to make an appearance at her bday party, but I’m worried about the repercussions.

    Any thoughts or words of advice would be helpful

    Thank you

    #126213
    Veronica
    Participant

    Hi busybee 🙂 you must be traumatize that the idea of seeing him again bothers you. How confident are you to go there? If your confident enough, you can simply avoid him during the party. If not, you can tell your friend and maybe set a schedule wherein the both of you enjoy and have a great time. Im sure she will understand that.

    It would be great if you also consider this as a opportunity for closure. You are great, he is fine. You both are doing fine in your life. Everybody is having fun. 🙂 your call 🙂

    #126214
    anita
    Participant

    Dear busybee:

    If I was you, from the information you presented here, I would not show up to the birthday party. If you want to see your friend, to wish her happy birthday, do so before or after the party, maybe a day later. I don’t know if standing up to him at this point is right for you (?), but it definitely doesn’t sound right to do it in the birthday party.

    Your ex was aggressive and abusive toward you, and yet your friend remained friends with him: did she accept his behavior as okay? Or was she neutral about his abuse of you because it was not directed at her?

    anita

    #126220
    Adam P
    Participant

    You already know what to do, life is just showing you a path to it.

    You already know what you want to accomplish at this birthday party so fulfill it.

    Your presence will be a gift to your friend at her birthday party, but it will be you who will also receive a present as well.

    Thank You and Take Care,
    AP 85

    #126221
    Andrew Mcintyre
    Participant

    Hi BusyBee,

    Firstly I am very happy for you for making the conscious decision and removing yourself from the abusive relationship. I’m sure that you are now a much stronger person!

    From what you have said it seems like this is life throwing you the final hurdle to healing and overcoming your previous suffering. It may be difficult but I think it may be beneficial to go to the party, especially after working through your past experiences. You have the chance to face your demon’s on a level where they can’t harm you and have no power over you.

    I say go for it, you may feel relieved that you did. Don’t give him the power by avoiding the party, go to the party and prove to yourself that he no longer has any power in your life what so ever. Also I recommend speaking to your friends and letting them know how you feel just so that they understand and can come to your aid if you start to feel a bit overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

    In the end I don’t understand what you have been through and this is only my very limited opinion but I know from my own suffering that the only way to beat the suffering is to face it, the world often throw’s hurdles at us for this reason.

    All the best & Good luck! 🙂

    Andrew.

    #126738
    Bee
    Participant

    Thank you for all your help and advice. I did go to the party and felt better for it. My ex just didn’t acknowledge me. But going to the party defiantly helped me to get back into the present and out of the past. Thank you

    #126739
    Bee
    Participant

    Please see me reply at the bottom of the forum

    #126775
    Barbara
    Participant

    Well done Bee

    #126776
    Barbara
    Participant

    Well done Bee

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