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Veronica

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 47 total)
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  • #223009
    Veronica
    Participant

    Hi All!

    I just want to say hi to everyone especially to anita πŸ™‚ I don’t know but i suddenly miss you and the comfort that you gave to me. The kindness and support in this forum is beyond comparable. I am still not fix, though. I have a new trauma (got into an accident) but still trying and living.

    Lots of love,

    Veronica

    #212169
    Veronica
    Participant

    I also thought of that. Thank you anita. I will find a way to make that happen. I’ll be back as soon as I am out of this house.

    #212103
    Veronica
    Participant

    We don’t talked much. My father is always mad when he comes home. I rarely talked to him if we do we usually end up arguing. He always reprimand me. There is one time, way back, that I was coloring a book, and he was mad at me because it can make me stupid that I should instead do something productive like studying. I can never share something personal to my father or to my mother. Whenever I try to speak up and share my struggle to both of my parents, they would say that it’s all on my head and that my sadness or struggle is not valid. They keep on saying that they areΒ  people who has more complicated problem.
    I try to be away from home as much as possible because it is very negative and toxic there.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Veronica.
    #211993
    Veronica
    Participant

    I went back to online dating yesterday. I was so stress, anxious and uneasy that it made me access back. I chat guys to make me feel good.

     

    It was indeed make me feel good. To be admired and desired. It is like a sudden relief I feel. Then again, as I reflect my actions. I think the attention I crave the most was my father’s. His acceptance. Can you help me address this? How to rewire?

    #211975
    Veronica
    Participant

    Reading your response made me cry. The voices that I hear in my head were once the voices I heard when I was young. My father was a perfectionist and strict that whenever I get poor grades, make a honest mistake, doing nothing, he reprimands and scream at me. I still here that voices whenever I make mistakes. This is one of the reasons I don’t take risks.

    #211905
    Veronica
    Participant

    Funny thing is that, I said that stuff yesterday yet today I was incredibly sad. I made stupid mistake and I hear voices in my head how pathetic I am. And there it goes, going back to hating myself. *sigh* how can I stop this cycle?

    If you don’t mind, can I access a link to that thread you mentioned?

    #211863
    Veronica
    Participant

    To Kumar,

    Thank you very much. I agree. Consistency is the key. πŸ™‚

    #211861
    Veronica
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Lately, I feel less sad. I just accepted the facts that I am lonely that I need love. I stop hating myself for the attention I crave.

    It is what it is. I embrace myself – my flaws, my imperfections, my past. I embrace the child within me. I acknowledge my current situation and that I tried not to judge, despise ir be shame on it. I am sorry that you also had the same experience with me. I wonder, how do you overcome? What was the effect on that event? Was it the same with me?

    #211345
    Veronica
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Sadness is a crime in this world. You can’t be down when your boss is constantly reminded you of your deadlines, you have to keep up your game to finished it all. You can’t be sad when you are with friends cause you will kill the joy and end the fun. You can’t be depress at home and cry cause your father will reprimand you, saying it’s all on your head.

    You can’t be sad. You are expected to be positive at all time in order to make things right. Is it?
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>It’s been a week since I eliminate my ‘drug’. I can’t still say it’s good or I am doing good. Cause I am still here.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”></p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Holding on..</p>

    #211199
    Veronica
    Participant

    My friends were okay. They are funny and bubbly. The thing is, being sad is like a crime. You can’t be sad, you can’t be depressed. I used to isolate myself a lot. I only have few friends as well. I am extremely introvert. Going out drains me so much. I feel more at peace to be alone, if things are smooth.

    The only problem is when there is something that can trigger me, I can’t control myself.

    Anyhow, I am so thankful especially to you, anita. You’ve been a great help. Thank you for trying to understand me, being with me during this times. Thank you for not forcing me to be okay. Thank you.. thank you..

    #210995
    Veronica
    Participant

    To Kumar,

    Yes. I know. I know all of that. I been aware of my situation for some quite time. I’ve been trying to fix myself for several times. It’s funny that no matter how many self help books I read, no matter how I tried to live my life, as supposed to be (focus on health and diet, inner engineering), I fell back into this spot whenever there is something that can trigger.

    Anyway, thank you. I guess I should practice even more.

    #210993
    Veronica
    Participant

    To Anita,

    Apparently not to i’ve known. I have friends on which I can talk to but I don’t like the way they respond to me. They give me false optimism. Whenever I share something, it would made me feel bad even more cause they have more serious problems that I have. I feel guilty for feeling this way.

    #210859
    Veronica
    Participant

    Exactly. I feel no warmth especially from my father. The weird thing happened today at gym, I caught myself flirting with my coach, which I have never done before nor like him in a romantic way. I thought maybe because he is the only guy friend that I interact lately. I really wanted to be cured. Help me please πŸ™

    #210797
    Veronica
    Participant

    Hmmmm. Interesting.

    Maybe? I am not quite sure. I have poor memories in my childhood. It is only clear when there is something that can trigger me back to that experience.

    #210647
    Veronica
    Participant

    I have friends at work and outside as well. I laugh at them, talked about life, except on this addiction. I am happy with them but when I came home, I came dull and cold. I lived with my parents.Β  We don’t talked much, I left home early and went home late at night. I never felt that ‘home’ I crave for it. Yes, I have friends but I mask myself everytime when I am with them.

    Not until last month, I met a guy online. He made me feel sooo wonderful and loved but then he suddenly disappear. Right now, I miss the feeling he gaves me.

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 47 total)