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Boyfriend with Anger issues

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  • #355470
    Veronica
    Participant

    I love my boyfriend. He’s funny and generous. He was there when I needed him but when he’s mad, he throw stuff, he punches the walls, he’s like a totally different person when he gets mad.

    At first, I got soo scared of him, he reminds me of my father who punched my mom once. It terrifies me that my boyfriend will do the same. I’ve been traumatized from that event in childhood that brought me to depression and love addiction for how many years. After being single for a long time (4 years). In that years, I was trying to do some inner healing.

     

    And so, just this year, I met my boyfriend. I spent the quarantine with him which allows me to see his “dark” side.

     

    My question now, should I consider this as red flag and run away? or try to make this work?

    Thank you everyone ❤️

    #355508
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Veronica:

    Welcome back! You wrote regarding your boyfriend: “he reminds me of my father who punched my mom once”. I think you are referring to the traumatic incident you experienced as a child, the one you shared about Dec 2016: “I remember once incident on which I have no emotions- I did not cry nor get mad. I was completely numb. It was when my parents had a fight. My father hit my mom. I saw many blood on the floor as I approach my unconscious mom”.

    You wrote that during the quarantine you stayed with your boyfriend- has it been just the two of you living together? You are welcome to share the details of and circumstances behind one or two incidents that involved your boyfriend throwing stuff and punching walls, and I will reply further.

    anita

    #355524
    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Veronica!  Do you feel comfortable talking to your boyfriend about his anger outbursts? It’s possible it might seem normal to him, but it’s not really acceptable behavior. I think that when people react to things this way, there is usually something deeper going on, like suppressed emotions and possibly depression/sadness… basically he either has some things he needs to work through or he might see this as normal, acceptable behavior if he grew up with a father who punched walls or friends who do and think it’s fine.

    I think the first step, if you feel comfortable doing so, would be to talk to him and ask him why he does this. Let him know it scares you.  If you don’t feel comfortable talking to him about it or become afraid of him or how he will react, then it might be better to just leave the relationship and find a man who can control his anger.  I would certainly be worried about or scared by this behavior, too, and I have never seen either of my parents or loved ones punch anyone.

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