Hi TriangleSun,

Yes, I do agree to what you were saying here about identity loss. It was a big for me, losing my identity basically overnight. However, I disagree that with every happy relationship breaking up, there will be the same pain. Yes, there will be pain, hurt and sadness for sure but it won’t be every time same if you continue to work towards seeing the reality.

What is reality? That ‘Now is not forever’. Everything and everyone that you love will become otherwise one day. Intellectually we all understand that things change and we all will die etc. etc. But emotionally we fall in love and believe now it is forever. We get scared with thoughts of our loved one leaving us (my case) or if they get sick or if they die. We quickly runaway from these thoughts because we emotionally do not want to see this. Because we have such a close connection to someone
we think it is too depressing to think like that. However, the reality is that our loved ones can leave us one day, get sick or die without any reason. And when that happens we are devastated. Why? Because emotionally we believe it shouldn’t and it wouldn’t happen.

When I was living with my ex in a loving 2.5 years of relationship, I believed 110 % it is forever. I kid you not, I was ready to do whatever it takes to make her happy. When she decided to leave me because she find someone better, I couldn’t understand how that is even possible, it didn’t make any sense. I was shocked for a long time. I still feel some of those feeling after 1 year of that event. It was very painful but I made it from ‘very painful’ to ‘devastating,traumatic and full of guilt, that I wasn’t good enough’.

If I was more in touch with reality that these events are totally out of control, that these things happens, that my actions and reactions to this will reduce my suffering. I would have healed far quickly and get back up on the horse of life much quicker.
And I think now I am getting better 🙂 Its still work in progress.

I couldn’t agree more on what you wrote about diversify yourself. Yes, learn to live alone even if you are in relationship, do things alone sometimes, seeks solitude and invest in yourself. But do not believe that if you do all this then ending of a loving relationship wouldn’t be painful. It will hurt but you can reduce your suffering and not get destroyed by it.

Thanks for your thoughts
Brav3