Forum Replies Created
February 28, 2017 at 7:29 pm #131841
Thank you for your delightful comment as always.
May I ask, how do you remember about the things I wrote before? You write to so many people on this forum everyday.
I really don’t know about my plan to Sweden this summer. I am holding it very loose not solid and fixed. I will take it as it comes. No plans. No control. No looking for secure desired future.
A very different me.
Brav3February 28, 2017 at 4:26 pm #131783
Same can be applied.
Brav3February 27, 2017 at 7:58 pm #131187
Firstly, do not blame yourself for the breakup by reading some articles and finding faults within yourself. You will hurt more and lose your self esteem. If you think you’ve made a mistakes, just remember we all do and that’s part of being human.
Here’s some tips I wrote a while ago.
Good luckFebruary 27, 2017 at 4:17 pm #130735February 16, 2017 at 3:27 pm #127939
Well done on Self Love.
How will I love myself on V day. By not making a big deal about it. By reminding myself that being single is as good as being in relationship and it is just a delusion that having a partner will give us happiness. Ask people who are in relationship or married?
If you have someone to celebrate your life with, GREAT ! If you have no one like me its GREAT to. Grass is always greener on the other side of fence.
Brav3February 16, 2017 at 3:17 pm #127937
You are only unlovable if you believe it. You can be the most lovable person if you believe it to.
You wrote that 2 years of your life you were getting comfortable with being single and being you. However, the things that you wrote, I am sorry to say that you are no way even near being comfortable with yourself and being comfortable with single status.
And that is why, you feel despair and this huge pain due to loneliness.
I will give you one single and simple thing to try.
Stop getting yourself consumed with self pity and looking for sympathy, it will not solve your problems but only will keep you in this loop. Master to make loneliness and silence as your best friends and you will find people wants to be with you.
Brav3February 16, 2017 at 3:01 pm #127933
If you really really want to know how to let go and move on, stop LOOKING OR FINDING things about him from people or social media. You broke the most important rule of beakup, NO CONTACT in any form. Two months and then you ran across his pic with some girl? Why are you keeping yourself in this loop? You can get out of it, you just need to say NO to yourself and your craving to know.
Here’s something I wrote a while ago.
Brav3February 16, 2017 at 2:51 pm #127931February 16, 2017 at 2:48 pm #127929February 16, 2017 at 2:48 pm #127927February 9, 2017 at 4:39 pm #127125
Answer to your questions is very simple.
1. How do you keep faith? By letting go fully.
2. How do you trust that there is love out there for you? By not looking for love anymore.
3. How can you grow more in it? By not trying to grow more.
These all answers are what you meant to do in your meditation practice.
I had a pretty rough breakup, 1 year ago. So, I understand your situation to some extent.
When people lose one identity, could be job, relationship, family etc. they go to spiritual path to look for answers. However, they do completely opposite and create identity with spirituality and that’s when it becomes running in circles.
The wanting, the trying, the looking, the searching, the keeping, the growing, they all are parts of the same problem. Meditation teaches you that. Not to grow and have wisdom and become enlightened like Buddha of this century but simply ‘how to let go fully’
There are things that you can do something about, you must do something. Also, there are many things in life you cannot do anything about, you must leave it alone. If you can practice this, then you will see that there’s nothing going wrong with your life. Your life is going in right direction, and you are where you meant to be.
Brav3February 6, 2017 at 9:23 pm #126936
I can actually related to your post and say the same about women from my case. My ex Gf left me for another guy and now she is having a time for her life and I am still single. Does women regret ?
Now, coming back to your question. There is a problem with question itself about men. First why do you want to know if your ex is regretting ? And how do you know if he’s having a time of his life? You can’t read his mind, can you?
You are seeking answers for questions that will keep you in this loop of breakup and misery. So, look beyond this event, bring your attention back to yourself. Its your choice to stay stuck in this rut or learn and grow from it.
Look for ways to learn to let go, to be comfortable with difficult emotions and to be happy without anyone.
Hope that points you in some direction.
Brav3February 6, 2017 at 9:12 pm #126935
It seems to me that you are already doing what you can do in this situation. However, you are not understanding the real meaning of letting go is.
I know it hurts to have your heartbroken into million pieces. But the whole idea of letting go is you let it be. That means
1. You do not run from your pain.
2. You do not erase your painful past but you accept it fully.
3. You also do not run from painful thoughts, feelings and emotions but you let them be
4. You forgive that person
So, if you really want to learn to let go, learn to be comfortable with your difficult emotions and thoughts. And that means neither getting carried away ,seek revenge or blame yourself nor numbing yourself and suppressing. YOU LET IT BE !!!
Brav3February 5, 2017 at 4:48 pm #126838
Yes, I do agree to what you were saying here about identity loss. It was a big for me, losing my identity basically overnight. However, I disagree that with every happy relationship breaking up, there will be the same pain. Yes, there will be pain, hurt and sadness for sure but it won’t be every time same if you continue to work towards seeing the reality.
What is reality? That ‘Now is not forever’. Everything and everyone that you love will become otherwise one day. Intellectually we all understand that things change and we all will die etc. etc. But emotionally we fall in love and believe now it is forever. We get scared with thoughts of our loved one leaving us (my case) or if they get sick or if they die. We quickly runaway from these thoughts because we emotionally do not want to see this. Because we have such a close connection to someone
we think it is too depressing to think like that. However, the reality is that our loved ones can leave us one day, get sick or die without any reason. And when that happens we are devastated. Why? Because emotionally we believe it shouldn’t and it wouldn’t happen.
When I was living with my ex in a loving 2.5 years of relationship, I believed 110 % it is forever. I kid you not, I was ready to do whatever it takes to make her happy. When she decided to leave me because she find someone better, I couldn’t understand how that is even possible, it didn’t make any sense. I was shocked for a long time. I still feel some of those feeling after 1 year of that event. It was very painful but I made it from ‘very painful’ to ‘devastating,traumatic and full of guilt, that I wasn’t good enough’.
If I was more in touch with reality that these events are totally out of control, that these things happens, that my actions and reactions to this will reduce my suffering. I would have healed far quickly and get back up on the horse of life much quicker.
And I think now I am getting better 🙂 Its still work in progress.
I couldn’t agree more on what you wrote about diversify yourself. Yes, learn to live alone even if you are in relationship, do things alone sometimes, seeks solitude and invest in yourself. But do not believe that if you do all this then ending of a loving relationship wouldn’t be painful. It will hurt but you can reduce your suffering and not get destroyed by it.
Thanks for your thoughts
Brav3February 5, 2017 at 4:04 pm #126808
Thank you for sharing from heart. I am inspired by your determination to continue to see good in your life even in midst of all big problems. Yes, after the storm there is a rainbow waiting for us. And the timeless words ” This too shall pass” gives us the hope that there is an end to all of this.
I continue to see ups and downs even after writing my original post. Like my ex comes up to me say final goodbyes but with patronizing tone, my job is still an issue and I don’t know if I ever see that Scandinavian girl again or my future with her.
However, this time I am keeping myself grounded into the reality. Accepting the painful thoughts, feelings and memories, neither running from them nor acting on them. Something very hard to do and requires alot of practice. So yeah, some days I do fall into it but then I also get back up. My time to get back up is slightly become shorter. Only slightly.
I am hoping with time and practice, I can see the reality of life clearly without getting fully caught with delusions of my mind.